Reciprocity & Three Questions
Here are two more points to keep in mind.
Point 1: The first point brings me back to a time when I was 10 years old. If you ask any guy, gentleman, man, or adult teenager how he managed to acquire his first girlfriend, they all will tell you the same thing.
A boy is introduced to his first girl friend in the 5th grade when he’s about 10-years old. The reason I know this is because that’s the first time we know that women exist. Until that point, it’s all basketball, football, baseball.
But here’s the first girlfriend entered the picture. You’re minding your own business at lunch and your friend Jimmy comes up to you only to give you the latest news. He says, “Eddie. I’ve got something to tell you.” You say, “What’s that, Jimbo?” He says, “Susie likes you.”
Well, Eddie then says, “Well, if Susie likes me, I like Susie.” Then, he looks around the room, pauses for seems like an eternity before asking “Which one is she?”
You like me, I like you. I don’t know anything about you. But if you like me, I like you. The same thing happens when you are 65 years old just as it happened when you were ten. If you like me, I like you. If you don’t like me, I don’t like you.
Keep that in mind when the topic swings around to “likability.” Don’t discount this. This is as true as rain and happens to be an extremely valuable reminder.
Another reminder I would like to leave with you is that when people meet you for the first time, there are three questions they’re going to be asking themselves. They’re not going to say it out loud, but they’re thinking it.
They’re going to look at you after meeting you for the first time, and they’re going to ask themselves,
“Can I trust this person?” That’s the first thing that’s going to cross their mind, “Can I trust this person?”
The second question is, “Does the person know what he/she is talking about?” Do they know what they’re talking about? Can I trust you, and do you know what you’re talking about, those are the first two questions.
The third question they’re going to ask you is, “Do you care about me?”
If you endorse what I just said: can I trust this person; do they know what they’re talking about; and do they care about me, when you meet people for the first time knowing what’s going through their heads, you can supply them with the appropriate responses.
We all know that trust takes time, but we also know that if someone doesn’t look you in the eye it is a sign that we might not be wise to trust them. So at the very least, when you talk to people, look them in the eye.
Do they know what they’re talking about? The only way you can prove that is by not guessing. Don’t think in front of strangers. If you know the answer, give it to them. If you don’t know the answer, tell them you will find it out and get back to them. If you wrong just once, the relationship will be on a downward swing.
Do they care about me? Get out of you and get into them. Ask them about their vacations, about their family, about their pets. Get out of your world and into their world and they will get the feeling that you care about them … which you do, right?
Can I trust you? Do you know what you’re talking about? And, do you care about me? Answer all three with care.